| The Dawn of Red (i didnt like my other story soooo....) | |
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Lady Morgana Admin
Posts : 1252 aureus(roman gold coin) : 246 Reputation : 1 Join date : 2010-11-17 Age : 27
| Subject: The Dawn of Red (i didnt like my other story soooo....) Thu Dec 23, 2010 8:28 am | |
| GOODBYE Goodbye. A word that never meant much to me before. It always meant cya later. That was always true, until the year 2002. The year I was Chosen. The year my best friends got Changed or killed. I had been nine. I couldn't do much but watch. The last Slayer, a beautiful older woman that we had always admired, had died that year. I was the nextin line to be Chosen for my Generation. After that, everything was life or death. I had to kill or be killed. So goodbye is a word you should never take for granted. As i have learned, it could very well be your last.
CHAPTER ONE: There is a Chosen One in Every Generation. A girl, Chosen by destiny, will alone be the one who can battle the Creatures of the Night. A girl, Chosen for greatness keeps the world in balance. Only her Watcher and rarely her closest friends know her idenity. Only she can save the world....
I watched as the vampire cornered the little girl. I had my stake in my hand. I was prepared to kill this vampire before he touched the girl, but I had to wait for the distraction. In other words, Lacy and David, my two very human friends who would do whatever to help me. Suddenly I heard Lacy scream. She ran out of hiding. Idiot. Ruin it. The little girl saw me, and screamed. I guess being a messy haired girl in raged clothes doesnt help much. Nor does the giant stake in my hand. I ran over to her. "Shh. Im not going to hurt you." I told her. David appeared next to me. "I will get her help. You save Lacy. She was impaitent, by the way. She did not want to wait to distract him. Now go." David said and gave the little girl a friendly smile. I rolled my eyes and ran after the vampire and Lacy. I found them, with Lacy cornered. The vampire was completely distracted by fresh blood, that he didn't sense me until too late. I stabbed him in the heart with the stake. In two seconds, he was dust. Lacy gave me a grateful look. I decided I couldn't be angry that she wanted to save the little girl. I motioned for her to follow and we walked back to David and the little girl. .... I wrapped my wet hair in a towel. A nice, long shower had been just what I needed after a three day stakeout. After ten minutes i had my regular clothes on and my curly black hair dried completely. There was a knock on the door. "Red!" David's voice came. I opened the door. David had on his school clothes, and his keys on his right index finger. I once again noticed how cute he was. I shook away the thought. I couldn't like him for three reasons. Lacy, Slayers can't date, and he is my best friend. "Where is Lace? I thought she was gonna ride with us today...." I said slowly. David shrugged. "She got sick. Her brother has the flu, remember? She probably got it from him." He said. I nodded. Great. Just what I need. More alone time with Lacy's boyfriend. "Well, its almost time for school." I said, and yawned. Last night/this morning had really affected me. I was worn out. "If you're too tired, I can have uour mom call in and say your sick." David sugested. I shook my head. "Nah. I'm going." I said and pushed past him. I walked downstairs. I thought about breakfast but shrugged. I grabbed an apple and went outside to get in the car. Somehow I hadn't noticed, but David had beat me out there. He must have snuck out when i was getting my apple.... I got into the car. Davd gave me a smile. It was a kinda creeperish smile. I felt cramps in my stomach. Oh crap. "I'm hungry." David remarked. I slowly moved my hand to open the car door but as quick as a flash, he grabbed me. "Come on Red. Don't be like that." I knew instintively that it was now kill or be killed. I chose to kill. (Ill write more later. Critize now.) | |
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Diana
Posts : 124 aureus(roman gold coin) : 182 Reputation : 6 Join date : 2010-12-05 Age : 25 Location : The Roman Camp Half-Blood
| Subject: Re: The Dawn of Red (i didnt like my other story soooo....) Thu Dec 23, 2010 10:42 am | |
| So far, so good. It's interesting, and it made me want to keep reading. I don't see anything wrong, so I can't criticize you... Anyways, it's really good! I'm looking forward to the next chapter =) | |
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I<3JB
Posts : 355 aureus(roman gold coin) : 372 Reputation : 0 Join date : 2010-12-04 Age : 27 Location : Home
| Subject: Re: The Dawn of Red (i didnt like my other story soooo....) Thu Dec 23, 2010 10:53 am | |
| gods basil your like super good lylas | |
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Lady Morgana Admin
Posts : 1252 aureus(roman gold coin) : 246 Reputation : 1 Join date : 2010-11-17 Age : 27
| Subject: Re: The Dawn of Red (i didnt like my other story soooo....) Thu Dec 23, 2010 5:51 pm | |
| (To finish off the chapter.) Honestly, I didn't want to kill my best friend, but I had a feeling he killed Lacy. I wasn't sure, but sofar my intutition hadn't failed me yet. Instead of cowering in fear as a normal human would have, I used my advantage. I moved closer to him, as if giving in. Then I brought my knee up and nailed him square in the jaw. He flew back, breaking the car window with the momentum of his head. I used this time to escape. I threw open the door, and ran towards the forest. Of course, he followed. I snapped a branch off a tree, and went to face my foe. When he neared, I rolled forward on the ground and threw the branch. It sail right into his heart. He gave me a mournful look, then exploded into dust. I gagged. I am never getting used to that! I walked out of the forest, deciding to play sick today. (Is it fixed now?)
Last edited by Basil on Fri Dec 24, 2010 5:45 am; edited 1 time in total | |
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Diana
Posts : 124 aureus(roman gold coin) : 182 Reputation : 6 Join date : 2010-12-05 Age : 25 Location : The Roman Camp Half-Blood
| Subject: Re: The Dawn of Red (i didnt like my other story soooo....) Thu Dec 23, 2010 5:55 pm | |
| A bit messy in spelling and grammar. I think you should fix some of it up. Besides that, nice ending =) | |
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Lady Morgana Admin
Posts : 1252 aureus(roman gold coin) : 246 Reputation : 1 Join date : 2010-11-17 Age : 27
| Subject: Re: The Dawn of Red (i didnt like my other story soooo....) Thu Dec 23, 2010 5:56 pm | |
| Okay, later. I was in a hurry. Plus i dun spell good... | |
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shadeknight.miller
Posts : 1373 aureus(roman gold coin) : 1692 Reputation : 3 Join date : 2010-12-03
| Subject: Re: The Dawn of Red (i didnt like my other story soooo....) Thu Dec 23, 2010 5:57 pm | |
| i thought it was good waaaay better then anything i could do | |
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Diana
Posts : 124 aureus(roman gold coin) : 182 Reputation : 6 Join date : 2010-12-05 Age : 25 Location : The Roman Camp Half-Blood
| Subject: Re: The Dawn of Red (i didnt like my other story soooo....) Thu Dec 23, 2010 5:58 pm | |
| By the way, you should go on the chat. I'm lonely x3 Sorry for going off topic x.x | |
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shadeknight.miller
Posts : 1373 aureus(roman gold coin) : 1692 Reputation : 3 Join date : 2010-12-03
| Subject: Re: The Dawn of Red (i didnt like my other story soooo....) Thu Dec 23, 2010 5:58 pm | |
| ..diana thats called spam..please pm that | |
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Lady Morgana Admin
Posts : 1252 aureus(roman gold coin) : 246 Reputation : 1 Join date : 2010-11-17 Age : 27
| Subject: Re: The Dawn of Red (i didnt like my other story soooo....) Thu Dec 23, 2010 6:00 pm | |
| Yay and most my mistakes are cause im ona ebook. And thanks Shade. That means a lot to me. You gave Basil praise! | |
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Diana
Posts : 124 aureus(roman gold coin) : 182 Reputation : 6 Join date : 2010-12-05 Age : 25 Location : The Roman Camp Half-Blood
| Subject: Re: The Dawn of Red (i didnt like my other story soooo....) Thu Dec 23, 2010 6:01 pm | |
| I thought you two would be looking at this so I posted it there, but... whatever. I'll PM people in the future.~ | |
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Emo Rainbow
Posts : 376 aureus(roman gold coin) : 453 Reputation : 0 Join date : 2010-12-04
| Subject: Re: The Dawn of Red (i didnt like my other story soooo....) Thu Dec 23, 2010 6:02 pm | |
| WOAH. THAT IS AWESOME! A+ times a million! | |
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Lady Morgana Admin
Posts : 1252 aureus(roman gold coin) : 246 Reputation : 1 Join date : 2010-11-17 Age : 27
| Subject: Re: The Dawn of Red (i didnt like my other story soooo....) Fri Dec 24, 2010 6:06 am | |
| GCHAPTER TWO: I laid in bed after taking yet another shower. My mom was gonna leave soon, thank the gods, and I would be able to go check on Lacy. I suddenly have a feeling that she may still be alive, since she had been the one to help me fight the Vampire. I felt severly guilty over killing David. He was a well loved kid. He was sorta popular and had a huge family that had no dad and he was the oldest. He was the one who helped pay the bills that the pathetic child support check attempted to pay. His death won't be easily forgotten. He will be searched for for years. A voice speaking to me, that isn't mine. Strange. Creepy. Probably one of my past Slayer lives. I shrugged it off. Having past lives was creepy enough without thinking about it. Finally, I heard mom's car pull out. I stood up and got out yet another new outfit. Jeans, a long-sleeved shirt, and my old, beat up silver park. It was from three years ago. Surprisingly, it still fit me. Then again, it had been two sizes too huge. I had gotten taller and last year I had stopped growing. I took of my tank and shorts, my usual nightware, and replaced them with the warmer outfit. I stood by my closet for a few seconds, and grabbed my animal hat (fake of course) and looked at it. It will help keep me warm and I still like it.... I studied it for a minute or so. It was orangish yellow with kitty ears. It even felt like kitty fur. I had gotten it this past Christmas. I shoved it on my head and went downstairs. I regretfully remembered the wasted apple. I went and grabbed the biggest apple. Then I left, slamming the door behind me. **** (This is all for now. My neck is begining to cramp so comments please!) | |
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I<3JB
Posts : 355 aureus(roman gold coin) : 372 Reputation : 0 Join date : 2010-12-04 Age : 27 Location : Home
| Subject: Re: The Dawn of Red (i didnt like my other story soooo....) Sun Jan 02, 2011 1:35 pm | |
| You are super good! Hey could you read my story and tell me what you think mine own nearly as good as this | |
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| Subject: Re: The Dawn of Red (i didnt like my other story soooo....) | |
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| The Dawn of Red (i didnt like my other story soooo....) | |
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